Spent 5 days of Thanksgiving holiday with Jovin and Cheng Han in Dallas at Jovin's place. His family was warm and welcoming, and it was great meeting up with my division mates again; what more could I ask for. Yet:
Mais je me sentait un peu perdue, un peu oubliée. Il semblait qu'ils ne m'intéressaient pas. Particulièrement au fin des vacances, de temps en temps il semblait qu’ils allaient me laisser. Et il ne veut pas d’attendre avec moi, à l’aéroport; il a préféré d’attendre son vol tout seul. Si proche, si loin. Peut-être il faut que j’oublie cette sentiment? Ou la laisse au temps.
Would you dance?
Would you dance
if I asked you to dance.
Would you smile
if you looked at me now.
Mais non:
tout que je vois,
c’est son ombre --
plus loin, plus loin de moi.
Ce qui n’était jamais de moi
c’est pas de moi encore.
Pourquoi essaye?
Quand il y a les autres qui m’aime?
Qui feraient tous les choses pour moi?
C’est une mystère du cœur.
Au moins,
j’ai un garçon
qui me rende de chaleur
qui n’était pas, et n’est pas encore
de moi.
C’est la danse triste de la Destin –
un valse des partenaires en changement,
mais jamais d’un qui serait à soi.
Monday, November 30, 2009
I've been... to Annapolis, the City of Sails
It's been awhile.
I finally visited Annapolis again on the weekend of Sat, Nov 21 - 22. (Last visit: International Ball in April.) Saturday, I met up with Sam, Dan, Cheng Han, and 3 of Sam's roommates: Raley, Aaron and Crane. The 5-hour (!!) hotpot/steamboat was a satisfying meal for the soul; it was good meeting up with all of them again.
What I remembered most of the stay at Peggy's and Kirk's: welcoming and homely warmth. I was surprised both Peggy and Kirk immediately remembered me and my name, though I'd only visited them twice in the past. We had a good meal, and long discussions. Learnt a lot about marriage and love from this couple, still happily in love after over 2 decades of blissful marriage:
1. The first love isn't always the best, or the last. It takes loving and failing to know better how to love.
2. Not expressing love is more than just shyness; it's taking the other for granted, it's a form of cowardice (fear of rejection) as well.
3. The love of your life might be found in the most unexpected places, at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected person.
Before I left, Kirk slipped a switchblade into my pocket, as a keepsake and to guard against danger. I keep it as a memento of American hospitality, and a reminder of how marriage can be wonderful always, if you constantly put in effort, just like how blades can be kept sharp and smooth forever, if you constantly oil and sharpen it, and not let it gather the rust of neglect.
When I was out running on Sunday morning in the beautiful Annapolis seaside, I came up with this poem:
------
I've Been
I've been to the tree-lined woods
and heard the crunch of fall
leaves beneath my feet.
I've been to the grassy plains
and seen the wispy, aloof faces
of clouds pass me by.
And I've been to the rocky shores;
and in the surf and backwash of the waves,
in the howling of the salt-tinged wind,
in gulls' cries and the wild geese's calls,
I hear
the echoes of my own voice
lost.
------
Why do I record all these things? Scared of losing memories? But what remains of faded memories is the essence, be it the warmth of friendship or the coldness of solitude.
And what is life but a thread of connected memories and broken narratives in our mind.
I finally visited Annapolis again on the weekend of Sat, Nov 21 - 22. (Last visit: International Ball in April.) Saturday, I met up with Sam, Dan, Cheng Han, and 3 of Sam's roommates: Raley, Aaron and Crane. The 5-hour (!!) hotpot/steamboat was a satisfying meal for the soul; it was good meeting up with all of them again.
What I remembered most of the stay at Peggy's and Kirk's: welcoming and homely warmth. I was surprised both Peggy and Kirk immediately remembered me and my name, though I'd only visited them twice in the past. We had a good meal, and long discussions. Learnt a lot about marriage and love from this couple, still happily in love after over 2 decades of blissful marriage:
1. The first love isn't always the best, or the last. It takes loving and failing to know better how to love.
2. Not expressing love is more than just shyness; it's taking the other for granted, it's a form of cowardice (fear of rejection) as well.
3. The love of your life might be found in the most unexpected places, at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected person.
Before I left, Kirk slipped a switchblade into my pocket, as a keepsake and to guard against danger. I keep it as a memento of American hospitality, and a reminder of how marriage can be wonderful always, if you constantly put in effort, just like how blades can be kept sharp and smooth forever, if you constantly oil and sharpen it, and not let it gather the rust of neglect.
When I was out running on Sunday morning in the beautiful Annapolis seaside, I came up with this poem:
------
I've Been
I've been to the tree-lined woods
and heard the crunch of fall
leaves beneath my feet.
I've been to the grassy plains
and seen the wispy, aloof faces
of clouds pass me by.
And I've been to the rocky shores;
and in the surf and backwash of the waves,
in the howling of the salt-tinged wind,
in gulls' cries and the wild geese's calls,
I hear
the echoes of my own voice
lost.
------
Why do I record all these things? Scared of losing memories? But what remains of faded memories is the essence, be it the warmth of friendship or the coldness of solitude.
And what is life but a thread of connected memories and broken narratives in our mind.
Monday, November 2, 2009
!#@$!
what the fuck am I doing?? My school performance is messed up!
1. Physiology: expected grade - B or C. Skipping some lectures,
2. French: Also quite messed up. C'est difficile; je ne sais pas! Et m'attendance est pauvre parce que j'arrive souvent en tard pour la classe!
3. Anthropology - Culture and Communication: I attend lectures late. I never do readings. Now I've taken to skipping some classes. And there's a paper due this Wednesday and I still can't bring myself to get started cos I don't know how to!! And don't want to.
4. Jap Lit: (A???) It really depends on how my paper turns out. I was conscientious in my readings, till the Tale of Genji / Heike. Now it's just downhill; too much work to catch up with everything, so I just don't do readings anymore.
5. Stats: (A?) I never attend lectures. I think it's still fine; it's math after all.
6. Personality Psyc: (A?) still doing fine.
I just can't bring myself to get started with any form of work. I'll rather just sit around and talk with my roommates, or with other friends. Or think of trips. Or do sports. Anything BUT school work. It's just too much. I get distracted so easily. I think I've a real case of Attention Deficit Disorder. But what the fuck, I'm just messing up my life; drinking too much, partying too much. Being too involved.
Get a grip girl.
1. Physiology: expected grade - B or C. Skipping some lectures,
2. French: Also quite messed up. C'est difficile; je ne sais pas! Et m'attendance est pauvre parce que j'arrive souvent en tard pour la classe!
3. Anthropology - Culture and Communication: I attend lectures late. I never do readings. Now I've taken to skipping some classes. And there's a paper due this Wednesday and I still can't bring myself to get started cos I don't know how to!! And don't want to.
4. Jap Lit: (A???) It really depends on how my paper turns out. I was conscientious in my readings, till the Tale of Genji / Heike. Now it's just downhill; too much work to catch up with everything, so I just don't do readings anymore.
5. Stats: (A?) I never attend lectures. I think it's still fine; it's math after all.
6. Personality Psyc: (A?) still doing fine.
I just can't bring myself to get started with any form of work. I'll rather just sit around and talk with my roommates, or with other friends. Or think of trips. Or do sports. Anything BUT school work. It's just too much. I get distracted so easily. I think I've a real case of Attention Deficit Disorder. But what the fuck, I'm just messing up my life; drinking too much, partying too much. Being too involved.
Get a grip girl.
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